If You Give a Kid a Cookie, He’ll Want an iPhone to Go With It

If you give a kid a cookie,

Photo: recipecurio.com
Photo: recipecurio.com

he’ll ask for a some cake to go with it.

In order to make his point,

he’ll cross his arms and stomp his foot.

Stomping his foot will remind him that he needs a new pair of gym shoes.

He’ll point out that the gym shoes he wants are only $125.

Listening to you explain why $125 is a lot of money for shoes that will only be worn on Tuesdays

will remind him that you are The Worst Mom Ever.

He will then list the reasons why you are The Worst Mom Ever.

Topping the list will be the fact that all the other kids have iPhones.

Talking about how all the other kids have iPhones will remind him to ask if he can have an iPhone.

You will point out that he doesn’t need an iPhone and besides, he already has an iPad.

Talking about the iPad will remind him of playing Minecraft.

Being reminded of playing Minecraft will make him ask, repeatedly, ad nauseam, to play Minecraft.

Asking to play Minecraft will remind him that his iPad needs to be charged.

He’ll ask you if you can get his charger for him.

You will ask him if his legs are broken and tell him to look where he left it last.

Looking where he left it last will cause him to step over the piles of stuff that haven’t been cleared away.

In the piles of stuff that haven’t been cleared away will be the sixty-two other things he asked for Christmas.

He will be momentarily distracted by a book.

When he picks up the book, he will see the Thank You cards he hasn’t finished writing.

Under the Thank You cards he hasn’t finished will be the charger.

Finding the charger will remind him that he needs to plug in his iPad.

Photo: recipecurio.com
Photo: recipecurio.com

Plugging in his iPad will remind him that he wants to play Minecraft.

He’ll ask to play Minecraft to which you will reply

“For the love of all that is holy, how many times do I need to say ‘no’?”

Saying no will remind him that you’re the Worst Mom Ever.

He will stomp his feet while he says it.

Stomping his feet will remind him he needs new gym shoes.

He’ll come into the kitchen to ask you about they gym shoes.

Coming into the kitchen he will see the cake.

He’ll ask if he can have a slice.

You’ll tell him he should have had the cookie when he had the chance.

Based on the ‘If You Give a’ books by Laura Numeroff.

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20 thoughts on “If You Give a Kid a Cookie, He’ll Want an iPhone to Go With It

  1. NotAPunkRocker February 8, 2014 / 9:05 pm

    Yes, the Worst Mom Ever club is lots of fun. Almost as much fun as listening to all the noises from Minecraft over and over and over…

    Like

    • dhonour February 8, 2014 / 9:09 pm

      One of the 62 other Christmas gifts was a set of headphones so at least I don’t need to hear the sounds. Or the Katy Perry songs. 🙂

      Like

  2. Running1 February 8, 2014 / 9:12 pm

    this is the funniest! sounds like a typical afternoon in my house.

    Like

    • dhonour February 8, 2014 / 9:21 pm

      I’m so glad it’s not just me!

      Like

  3. Natalie Wilhelm February 8, 2014 / 9:28 pm

    Love it. Plus, I feel a little proud that maybe I know where the idea came from??!!??

    N

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

    • dhonour February 8, 2014 / 9:53 pm

      Boys, Minecraft, iProducts, collective unconscious, frustration, conversation–there’s a whole world of blogging to be mined in there ;-).

      Like

  4. cherry February 9, 2014 / 12:07 am

    Brilliant. Gave me a smile. Missing my kids as they are away. ..iPad is mine.

    Like

    • dhonour February 9, 2014 / 11:07 am

      I know not what that is like, missing my kids because they are away. Mind you, I don’t have an iPad myself! But I remember a long time ago having control of the remote control… 😉

      Like

  5. Anonymous February 9, 2014 / 2:25 am

    Yup … If you give a kid an IPad they will always say “can I use yours, mine needs charging”

    Like

    • dhonour February 9, 2014 / 11:08 am

      Or, can I use your computer so I can do my homework because the app doesn’t work on my iPad? That’s my new favorite.

      Like

  6. El Guapo February 9, 2014 / 6:57 am

    Makes me glad I don’t have kids!
    (Plus I only have to share cookies with my wife.)

    Like

    • dhonour February 9, 2014 / 11:08 am

      My husband, though brilliant at many, many things, is a terrible cookie sharer (or desert sharer in general). He has a mouth full of sweet teeth ;-).

      Like

  7. stephrogers February 9, 2014 / 7:21 am

    Oh *sigh* this is so true. It is like you are standing in my kitchen on a random week night while I attempt to rustle up some dinner in the midst of every child making ridiculous demands.

    Like

    • dhonour February 9, 2014 / 11:09 am

      And no matter what you offer, it’s not good enough! Have a cookie. Can I have two? Watch a tv show. Can I watch a movie? It’s never enough!

      Like

  8. Twindaddy February 9, 2014 / 3:45 pm

    Isn’t being a parent wonderful??

    Like

    • dhonour February 9, 2014 / 4:04 pm

      It’s the most rewarding thing EVER. 😉

      Like

      • Twindaddy February 9, 2014 / 4:06 pm

        I KNOW!

        Like

  9. dhonour November 25, 2014 / 1:45 pm

    Reblogged this on Wine and Cheese (Doodles) and commented:

    As I make this year’s list of gifts that will be played with for an hour and forgotten about…

    Like

  10. SuperMom November 26, 2014 / 3:45 am

    Reblogged this on focus on the funny and commented:
    I just finished a batch of gluten free cookies and ce across this. Very timely.

    Like

  11. gallivance.net November 27, 2014 / 5:10 pm

    If you really do say things like: “For the love of all things holy” you might be the worst Mom ever, but you’re also a pretty cool Mom as well. When your son is a father, and finds these remembered witticisms in his parental quiver, he’ll remember what a cool Mom you were. Have a fun and decadent Thanksgiving! ~James

    Like

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