Real Moms of Genius, We Salute You

omnificpublishingToday we salute you, Newborn Mom, who has just been thrown to the sharks;

As well as you, Empty Nest Mom, who is starting to forget what it was like.

Today we salute you, Martha Stewart Mom, who uses cookie cutters to make cute little sandwich shapes and themed lunches with 3 different vegetables and a fruit;

As well as you, Lunchables Mom, who has forgotten her son’s lunch on the kitchen counter and made do with a bagel from 7/11.

Today we salute you, Working Mom, who manages to put in a 9-5 and still have her children vaccinated on schedule;

As well as you, Stay at Home Mom, who manages to talk in complete sentences about intelligent subjects in spite of spending every waking hour with a demanding, drooling mini human.

Today we salute you, Designer Mom, who always manages to look immaculately put together at drop off;

As well as you, Sweats Mom, who is up at 5 to pack school lunches, make a hot breakfast, put the laundry in and runs out of time.

Today we salute you, Fitness Mom, who runs and bikes and swims and can still rock a bikini after three kids;

As well as you, Ruined Pelvic Floor Mom, who can’t do jumping jacks or squats without peeing in her yoga pants.


Today we salute you, Organized Mom, who knows where she and her children need to be at any given moment of the day up to six months in advance;

As well as you, Scattered Mom, who sometimes forgets a swimming lesson or homework or a winter coat.

Today we salute you, Reasonable Mom, who always explains things in a rational way ;

As well as you, Shouty Mom, who you can hear across the playground.

Today we salute you, Breastfeeding Mom, who forgoes wearing anything without buttons for years;

As well as you, Formula Mom, who cuddles and rocks and feeds just as many times.

Today we salute you, By the Book Mom, who has a bookshelf full of dog-eared books about parenting;

As well as you, Laid Back Mom, who figures it out as you go along.

Today we salute you Helicopter Mom, who has her child’s best interests at heart;

As well as you, Free Range Mom, who does as well.

Today we salute you Organic Mom, who bakes nut free spelt cookies for the class;

As well as you, Store-bought Mom, who realizes that most of the time, you just can’t do it all.

Today we salute you, Cool as a Cucumber Mom, who always seems to have it together;

As well as you, Pulling your Hair out Mom, who is often on the verge of a breakdown.

Today we salute you, 36 Hours of Labor -No-Drugs Mom, who rocks;

As well as you, Scheduled C-Section Mom, who rocks just as hard. we salute you, Teen Mom, who set out on this road called parenting without a whole lot of life behind you;

As well as you, Granny Mom, who faces the unique challenge of reconciling children into a life firmly established.

Today we salute you, Accidental Mom, who learned that love isn’t always planned;

As well as you, IVF Mom, and you, Adoptive Mom, and you, Foster Mom, who know that being a mom, no matter how you find yourself in the role, is the hard part.

Today we salute you Lesbian Mom, who everyday faces the uphill battle of being just “Mom” instead of “Same Sex Mom”;

As well as you, Step Mom who takes on the challenge of integrating another Mom’s kids into your life. And you GrandMom who should be relaxing on a beach but are instead raising your grandchildren like your own.

Today we salute you, Real Moms everywhere.

Real moms are all of us who sometimes shout and sometimes reason, who sometimes hover and sometimes don’t pay any attention at all. Real moms are those of us who love and laugh and cuddle and fix. Real moms are those of us who sometimes boast and brag and often complain. Real moms worry and fret and cry, pick up the pieces of broken hearts and kiss away bruised feelings. Real moms clean scraped knees and pull out loose teeth and catch vomit in their hands. Real moms are all of us who beam with pride and bristle with indignation, who cheer and clap and freeze on sidelines, who drive and launder and feed, who chaperone and live by  example. Real moms  are all of us who spend eighteen years on a wing and a prayer hoping we’ve done it right.

I salute you, Real Moms, everywhere.


**For those of you not familiar, this is based on a series of satirical Budweiser Beer commercials,  Real Men of Genius.

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