Wine and Cheese (Definitions): Vacation Edition

airport securityAirport Security (noun): Making sure that you have all possible necessities when traveling with small children including extra clothes, snacks, entertainment, fully charged electronics, first aid, Tylenol. And wine. As in: Remember that time Johnny threw up all over us right before take off?

Beating the Clock (verb):  The exasperating habit of males to make good time and beat the estimated time of arrival stated by the GPS, often at the expense of stopping for restroom breaks, car sickness or any non-catastrophic event which requires stopping the car. As in: Can’t you just wait until we get there? I’m making good time.

Bedphoria (noun): The immense sense of pleasure derived from sleeping in one’s own bed after a long absence. As in: I woke this morning with a sense of bedphoria. Bedphoria is usually immediately followed by Vacation Hangover

Excess Baggage Allowance (noun): The justification of the inevitable five to ten pounds you gain while on vacation. As in: These American portions are going to lead to a lot of excess baggage. See also Excess Baggage Fees (noun): the increased exercise and decreased caloric intake necessary to counteract excess baggage allowance. As in: These excess baggage fees are going to kill me. 

Gearing Up (verb):  The act of packing your running shoes, resistance bands and work-out gear though everyone knows you have no intention of really using them. As in: I’m gearing up to make sure I don’t have to pay any excess baggage fees this vacation.

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GPS (Great Parental Shout-Down) (noun): When one parent screams at the other for failing to read the map correctly, talking over important navigational device directions or using unclear voice or hand directions before an upcoming exit usually resulting in a 15-20 minute delay in arriving at destination. As in: WTF? Can’t you say “go left” instead of pointing??”

Jet Lag (noun): The unaccountable habit of children on vacation waking prior to 5 am regardless of direction of travel. As in: How come I have to wake my kids up on school days but on vacation they are up before the sun?

Keeping Up Appearances (verb): The art of only posting select, highly edited photos from your vacation. As in: Everyone else has so much fun on vacation, I’ve got to keep up appearances.

Pay off (noun): The realization that your children are old enough that you can once again read a book at the beach. As in: It’s about time.

Sand/which (noun): The piles of unidentifiable dirt and detritus which pool at the bottom of bags, pockets and socks. Also, beach sand with parasitic properties. As in, the sand which is everywhere.

Travel Visa (verb) : The act of paying off your credit card in full so that you can max it out on vacation. As in: I’m off to Target with my travel visa. Not to be confused with Visa Waiver

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Vacation Hangover (noun): The pounding headache which accompanies the post-holiday realization that the house is dirty, there is no food in the refrigerator and there are seventeen loads of laundry waiting to be done. As in: My head hurts just thinking about all the laundry we’ll have after two weeks away.

Vacation Parenting (verb): The act of reversing all normal rules and regulations while on vacation. Usually goes hand in hand with Buyer’s Remorse which comes when trying to reinforce original rules when back from holiday. As in: What was I thinking?

Visa Waiver (noun): The conscious avoidance of  viewing your post-holiday credit card statement until the last possible moment. As in: Ugh, I don’t even want to know how much I spent at Target. 

Wine and Cheese (Doodles) (noun/plural): The preferred nourishment while on vacation. Instantaneously resulting in extra baggage allowance and often necessitating excess baggage fees. But usually in the end, still worth it.

 

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Wine and Cheese (Definitions): Vacation Edition

  1. South of the Strait July 13, 2014 / 5:22 pm

    I’m glad it isn’t just me that suffers from Visa Waiver. I have a feeling of dread from the time the bill arrives at home until the day I open it and look to see what I spent.

    Like

    • dhonour July 13, 2014 / 7:19 pm

      Sometimes I don’t even look. Sometimes I just throw some money at it for a few months until it gets to a point of bear-ability.

      Like

  2. TheTanTalk July 13, 2014 / 7:25 pm

    Bedforia is so so relatable, however Airport Security is hysterical

    Like

    • dhonour July 13, 2014 / 7:32 pm

      Most of us have been there. Or so I tell myself. I’d hate to think I had the only child that vomited right before take off….and some splashed on the shoe of the woman behind us….and we had not packed any spare clothes….on a four hour flight. ;-).

      Like

  3. Tazza July 13, 2014 / 8:41 pm

    Love it Dina!! Christer couldn’t stop laughing over the beating the clock. I’m dreaming of the payoff…. One day!! Let me know when you are ready to start working on the excess baggage 🙂

    Like

    • dhonour July 14, 2014 / 7:17 pm

      I did chuckle to myself a few times… I’ll have to do some parenting ones next!

      Like

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