Wake and slog through morning routine. Resist urge to read news while children are eating breakfast. Promise self a half-hour to do so upon return home when inevitable angst and rage will not affect children. Keep promise! Pat one’s self on the back.
Relish idea of well-earned, self-imposed half-hour of news and social media. Usual order: CNN (must not get sidelined by Donald Trump), People (must check if that country star I’d never heard of before has succumbed to cancer as final days have now lasted a month); Ordinary E-mail (delete 72 emails from LL Bean–jeez, you buy one backpack!); Blog e-mail (perhaps a guardian publishing angel has stumbled upon my blog?); Blog stats (Hmm…would have thought that post would have done better); Facebook…
Sidelined by a thousand and one articles about Donald Trump–Oh, wait, world’s ten best beaches? I’ve been there! I should find that picture. Oh, that one looks nice. Surely the 50 best cities for expats deserves a quick look…Vienna? Huh. Go figure.
Shit. It’s 10:30.
Right, will quickly respond to Facebook comments…
Oh! A quiz claiming less than 5% of people can name 10 famous women. Prove handily that I am indeed, as suspected, in the 5%. Yes!
Click on Gawker article about the death knell of The GOP. Try to contain glee. Send link to husband with string of happy faced emojis. Promise to refrain from getting caught up in articles below the virtual fold…Oh, look, the cast members of the newest season of Dancing with the Stars have been released. Holy crap, Donald Trump’s ex-wife is part of cast of Dancing With the Stars! Get outraged at Donald Trump coverage. My God, the man is even infiltrating my entertainment news!
Oh, wow! New Yorker has an articulate synopsis of US elections. Read three times as New Yorker practically counts as reading a book. Post link. Promise not to look at comment section as need to vacuum and buy some food to fill the bare cupboards…
Goddamn! Who are these people?? Write outraged instant message to husband with lots of !!! Reiterate to husband that Yes, I listen to him when he tells me that the comment section is where dignity goes to die. Yes, yes, I know…but…who ARE these people?? Lots more !!! Husband ignores all further messages.
Shit, shit, shit. 12:30. Close laptop and drag out vacuum. Leave the house for the first time since dropping children at school.
Sit-down with a cup of tea to quickly check blog stats. Read blogs I follow. Get angry. Nod in agreement. Comment with some !!!. Must leave soon to pick up children…Oh, look! A BuzzFeed quiz about which profession you are best suited for. Take quiz secretly hoping the answer is author. Answer is author! Feel justified for wasting the last five minutes of my life.
Check Facebook while waiting for water to boil. Get distracted by fluff piece about woman who went back and re-captioned all her social media pictures with ex-boyfriend to reflect his cheatin’ heart. Click on 10 plastic surgery disasters because..well, ewww. Oh! 10 celebrities you didn’t know were dead! Feel vindicated that I knew they were dead. Click back to Facebook. Contemplate hiding FB friends whose political leanings might give me a heart attack. Don’t. Feel virtuous for my obvious acceptance of differences. Oh fuck it, hide friends.
Shit, water boiled over.
Check in with CNN for primary results. Take Which Star Wars Character Are You quiz. Darth Vader. Yes! Wait…hmmm…Answer blog comments. Lament why blog pieces aren’t doing better. Meander over to People (really Caitlyn Jenner? Really??) See notification on FaceBook pop up, click over. Get distracted trying to figure out if headline is real or from The Onion…
Sweet Jesus, how is it 8:30??
Watch MasterChef Australia over top of laptop. Close laptop. Open laptop when phone pings with a notification. Promise self not to read the comments sections of that political article on Salon, but…Oh.My.God. Who are these people??? Lots of !!!. Husband sighs.
It’s 10:10. How the hell is it 10:10???
Husband just sighs.