Hey, Just Telling It Like It Is

talkTelling it like it is, the more crass the better, seems to be all the rage.

Maybe us left-leaning folks are too politically correct. Too much siting-round-and-singing-Kumbayah-on-an-acoustic-guitar and not enough punch-’em-in-the-throat. Perhaps us wussy left-wingers are too let’s-find-a-way-to-get-along and not enough burn-the motherfucker-down. Gosh darn-it, us softie libruls try too darn hard not to step on anyone’s feelings by calling ’em like we see ’em.

CLEARLY it is NOT working.

I’ve tried measured response. I’ve tried passionate appeal. I’ve tried to use logic, intelligence, and sometimes even statistics to make a point. I’ve tried to look at it from the other side. After all, as a peri-menopausal woman, I’m no stranger to frustration and rage.

Didn’t work.

So maybe I’ll try it the Trump way and just tell it like it is.

Deep breath…here goes….oh dear…where to even begin??

How about with…my vagina! It was hard enough keeping Bush out of my bush. My vagina, though a miraculous muscle, isn’t big enough to accommodate the entire GOP. So keep your white, old man ideals out of my uterus, thank you very much.

Speaking of….if you want to cut down on abortions the easiest way to do that is to PROMOTE birth control and family planning and health education. You know who does that? PLANNED PARENTHOOD. Jesus, that one’s a no-brainer.

And onto no-brainers…if you’re voting for someone who calls Mexicans rapists and women pieces of ass and Muslims terrorists and you dismiss it because “Hey, he tells it like it is!” You, my friend, are a racist. If you’re practicing some willing suspension of disbelief to ignore all that? Guess what? You’re still a racist.

If you think money and power are more important than humanity, if you think the things you feel entitled to by luck of a birth certificate trump the very existence of others? You’re not only a racist, you’re pretty much a terrible human being.

If you think simply ‘telling it like it is” can make American great again you are stupid. There. I said it. Hey, I’m just calling ’em like I see ’em.

Kristina Salinovic Screaming N Open Mouth Hairstyle By Tim Barber-720x405

Forget selling you a rose-garden, the bullshit the current incarnation of the GOP is selling isn’t even fit to fertilize a rose garden. It’s not even real shit. They are selling fake shit. And if you’re buying it?

Stupid is as stupid does.

If you chose to worship Allah, Jesus, Bob Marley or the Flying Spaghetti Monster it’s none of my business. Just like it’s none of your business if I don’t worship any of them. (You know what else isn’t your business? My vagina!)

The United States is not a Christian nation. Yes, there are lots of Christians who live there. The majority of Americans identify as Christians. That doesn’t mean the government is governed by the law of Christianity. Never has been. Never will be.

You know why? Because there is a separation of church and state. Know where I got that tidbit from?

Ding, ding! The Constitution!

While we’re on it, The Constitution is not a multiple choice test. You don’t get to parade around Applebees with a loaded AK-47 hiding behind amendments and constitutional rights if you’re going to conveniently ‘forget’ the other ones. (Like say, for instance, the president’s constitutional right to nominate a supreme court justice and have Congress consider said nominee or a woman’s right to an abortion or…you know, the separation of church and state. Oh, wait, don’t like that interpretation? Yeah, that sucks doesn’t it?)

There are Christians who are being persecuted in the world. US Christians are not being persecuted. If you are an American Christian, your life is not in danger, your livelihood is not jeopardized. Even if you had to bake a big, old penis shaped cake for Caitlyn Jenner and her husband, your life wouldn’t be in danger, your freedom to practice your religion wouldn’t be in danger. And frankly, if your God denies you entry into your afterlife of choice because of a cake, well then, no wonder why there are increasing number of people who don’t believe in God.

(You know what else? Reading The Bible has been shown to make people more liberal in their social welfare views. So there.)

If you believe that arming US citizenry, age four and up, in a toddler militia, is the best way to deal with the mind-fuck that is the United States and guns you are delusional, high, or living in some alternate reality. Wait. Let’s just use stupid for that one too. It’s easier.

If you leave loaded weapons lying around, if you don’t have a safe where you keep your guns all the freaking time you are not using them to hunt or target shoot? Then you deserve to have your kids taken away from you. I’m sure all those nice families who are willing to take in all the unwanted babies that are the result of the crack down on abortion providers (and Hobby Lobby employees who can’t get their birth control covered by their insurance) will be willing to take them in.

yellingBuilding a wall along the entire border of a country and promising to make another country pay for it is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. And I have an 11-year-old boy. I’ve heard some dumb shit in my life. But that one takes the penis-shaped cake.

Speaking of penises…do you really want a man who talks about how big his dick is in a national Presidential debate to be your leader?


Guess what else? Politicians are lying to you. They say all sorts of stuff they think you want to hear. Yes, even the ones I vote for. So just because it sounds like the truth you want to hear doesn’t mean it is the truth and it certainly doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen.


I get it now. It DOES  feel good to tell it like it is.

I should do it more often.


21 thoughts on “Hey, Just Telling It Like It Is

Add yours

  1. Watching the circus that is our political system, and having to answer to it politely as the wife of a U. S. Diplomat sometimes just sucks. You articulated “stupid” beautifully. I just posted to my FB wall.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a tough one. This is a tough situation to be diplomatic in, especially when the other side is anything but. Luckily my husband knows my sometimes foul mouthed but always passionate rants is the written equivalent of having inhaled a few too many times and sticks to international civil service ;-).


  2. You’re a damn mind-reader woman!! I adore you and your telling it like it is! Thank you thank you thank you! I was starting to wonder if we’d all gone mad watching this circus of a campaign. Xoxoxo #girlcrush


    1. You’re welcome 100x. I keep thinking that maybe those alternate planes of reality really do exist and have somehow crashed. It’s like an episode of Buffy. But with Ted Cruz instead of Spike. Shiver.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The ‘sad’ changes in US Politics are really going to affect a lot of us outside US. I used to believe that Americans are the most liberal, open minded and “free” human beings on earth, but unfortunately, I was wrong. To be easily “deceived” and “played” with sentiments orchestrated by politicians are thought to be “a third world” norms BUT now “reliving” it in US is unbelievably terrifying. Americans should go back to the real idealism that were fought and built by their great forefounders. We need to have back the Americans that we used to admired, loved and envied.


    1. We are still there–somewhere. There’s a lot of anger and frustration. A lot of people feel duped–ironically of course they don’t see they are being double duped by the GOP at the moment. Nothing good comes out of knee-jerk reactions and fear. But I look at the way the US has overcome horrible things in the past and I have to believe that they will overcome this stage too. It won’t be immediate and it won’t be easy, but hopefully what emerges on the other side is something which resembles the America you talk about. Unless we all shoot each other first, of course.


  4. Yes, thanks for “telling us like it really is!” Do you know how many Australians ask us straight up WTF is going on in America with the elections and gun control? I have to agree! It’s frustrating and sad to have to explain what’s wrong in the US right now to other countries who look up to the US!

    We’ve lived abroad for nearly 6 years and have no plans to return to the US, but we will still vote so we can have our say!


    1. Funnily enough, the original title of this was going to be WTF, America? I may still use it, depending on the next few months ;-). Yes, it’s exhausting (I have a draft of that title too. You see where this is going?). We do have plans to eventually return, so I feel like I have a lot invested in this outcome!


  5. What I really liked about this episode (seemed a more appropriate word), is that I could visualise you in person and hearing all of the above in your voice. It’s Like you paused being a storyteller which is how I ‘hear’ your other blogs.


    1. Ha. I guess it’s not too far a stretch to imagine me ranting, is it? It is true, the rants typically have a looser structure. I don’t worry too much about the language, more the message. Usually I’m a little more focused on the cadence and the tempo and the language itself. Every now and again though, it’s just all about the content.


  6. Stupid shit on guns… my son is in the military. Because of his job, he will probably never aim at gun at anyone, much less pull the trigger. That’s the way we all want it, including him. He lives in the northwest. He likes to hike and camp. I asked him the other day if, for his ongoing training, he does gun training. He does, has to pass a test once a year. Doesn’t like guns, doesn’t like shooting them, is considering getting one. For camping and hiking. I asked him if he has bear spray. Aaaah… Yeah, that’s what he’ll get. Smart young man… 🙂


    1. I just can’t wrap my head around the gun thing. I thought at first it was because I was female. But there seem to be plenty of women who like to wave guns about as well. Despite struggling mightily, I can’t come up with a single, reasonable argument for being able to own an AK47. Not one. Your son sounds like a smart young man. Please let him know that I appreciate his service to our country and his responsible attitude toward guns.

      Liked by 1 person

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