Confessions of a Lib-Tard

They're on to us Mr. Biggles
They’re on to us Mr. Biggles

The jig is up. The righteous foot soldiers finally tuned their tin foil rabbit ears to the right frequency. Their enviable argumentative prowess and tenacity have proved too much for us. Further resistance is, frankly, futile.

The true extent of our lib-tard agenda, carefully executed through the slow, tedious “pussification” of the United States, has been, at long last, unmasked.

Well played, righteous foot soldiers, well-played.

You’ve been right all along.

We’re coming for your guns. All of them. Even the Nerf ones. And the ones with the little orange caps on top. Hell, we may even take the light sabers too. Like an army of lib-tard zombies we’re marching forth to take all the guns, leaving you weaponless and pussified at the mercy of our tyrannical, lib-tard government, (‘won’ through a rigged pseudo-election-like process). You saw right through our insistence that we only wanted to revisit the question of gun ownership, bring some civil back to our civilization, get rid of the most dangerous, make it harder for the folks who weren’t supposed to have them. Foiled! You’ll have to make do with kitchen knives when the revolution begins. Start sharpening soon.

You were right about the marriage thing too. It’s been our goal all along to end all heterosexual marriage. You smarty-pants figured out by slowly granting gay and lesbian couples the legal right to marry that our long-term goal was always to force heterosexual couples hopped up on birth control into gay orgies catered by bakers and florists forced to go against their religious freedom.

Foiled again!
Foiled again!

Well done!

(Did you know about the federal funds we will be using to open Sodom & Gomorrah Land next year? No? Tag line: Where dreams of  atheism, debauchery, and homosexual depravity come true!)

You were right about the man-hating fem-bots, out to emasculate and humiliate. Our feminist agenda was buried deep within the lib-tard one, but you clever clogs figured it out. Our pro-choice commandos did their best to hide their baby brain black market-ops, but in the end, we were just plain outsmarted by righteous digging for the truth.

And you guys! You knew all along our president was merely a shadow puppet prepping the country for a Muslim takeover. We rode the birther train for as long as we could, but the caboose stops here. This lib-tard train’s run out of steam. You were right. Our president is nothing but a foreign-born pretender to the throne, no better than Ramsey Bolton. The U.N. is planning a hostile takeover of Texas, and the Muslims are coming to Westeros. But not until we have all the guns.

You’ve figured out we’ve been taking all the good, white jobs and giving them to immigrants. You’ve untangled the convoluted scheme in which we’ve set up the system so that all immigrants are immediately granted cushy digs, free lobster and medical care while you, you righteous foot soldiers, toil and pay. It’s all part of our plan to force the gun-less white population into slavery.

You will say Happy Holidays now....or else...
You will say Happy Holidays now….or else…

Sadly, our devious mustache twirling days have come to an end. Now that there’s no point in hiding our dastardly designs anymore we can come clean: It all started with forcing you to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”.

In fact, we may as well tell you, from here on out, anyone caught saying “Merry Christmas” will be forced to undergo reconditioning, after all, no one is born righteous–it’s a choice. And whenever there’s a choice, there’s an opposite one.

Love,

Your lib-tard commrade in (dis)arms

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6 thoughts on “Confessions of a Lib-Tard

  1. aviets July 10, 2016 / 9:49 pm

    Hahahahaha…you made my day. Sadly, though, I think there are folks in Kentucky who will come across this piece and the sarcasm/irony will go right over their heads. Expect a news story soon covering their siege, scheduled to take place in Ken Ham’s Ark Encounter and led by Kim Davis.

    Like

    • Dina Honour July 11, 2016 / 4:41 am

      You do seem to have more than your fair share of tin-foil righteous hats down there. I admire you even more for not running screaming across the border!

      Like

  2. Elyse July 10, 2016 / 10:05 pm

    I’m a lib-tard too.

    BTW, I just finished reading All the light We Cannot See — thank you so much for the recommendation! Fabulous book!

    Like

  3. South of the Strait July 11, 2016 / 7:01 am

    Lib-tards unite! Now if we can teplace American football with futbol we will have total victory.

    Like

    • Dina Honour July 11, 2016 / 1:38 pm

      Oddly, I think that would be the thing that prompted a revolution, not all the others ;-).

      Liked by 1 person

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