Of Course We Remember

19c8ebb8a9f2edf44a0a32b0b020d884Jennifer Lin was a reporter for the Philadelphia Inquirer in the 1980s. In a recent article she recounted the time Donald Trump called her up to insult her. He then hung up on her, rang her editor and called her, as the article demurely states, the c-word.

What astounded me was not that Donald Trump had used this particular insult toward Lin–or any other woman. Donald Trump’s casual misogyny is expected and hardly newsworthy. What pissed me off was this quote from David Urban, a member of the Trump campaign:

“I find it incredibly coincidental that this person’s crystal clear recollection of one sentence, one word, spoken nearly 30 years ago just happens to coincide with Mr. Trump’s surge in Pennsylvania.”

Really?

Well, Mr. Urban, let me tell you, when it comes to being called a c**t, most women have crystal clear recollections. Every woman I know remembers it. And almost every women I know has had that particular insult hurled at her at one point or another. I would venture to say that even Ann Coulter, who is probably on the receiving end of that particular word more than any other modern woman, remembers.

You see, you terrible excuse for a human being Mr. Urban, it’s pretty damn easy to remember when you’re on the other end of an insult which is purposely designed to degrade.

So don’t kid yourself, Urban. Of course we remember.

We remember, Mr. Trump and you too. Mr. Giuliani. You can tell Gingrich and Christie and the rest of your band of merry misogynists as well.

Women remember.

We remember every time some snot-nosed high school boy called us a bitch, every time some blue-balled young man called us frigid.

We remember all the times someone told us we couldn’t or shouldn’t do something just because we were girls.

We remember the teachers who told us that girls were no good at math, the advisors who told us to take soft sciences, the coaches who told us we were pretty good…for a girl.

We remember the times we were called prudes and we certainly remember the times we were called sluts.

They’re words meant to wound. That’s why people use them.

We remember the times we were called whores–and the times we were called cock-teases for not being whorish enough.

We remember the times we were called fat. We remember the times we were called ugly. We remember the times we were called dogs and pigs. All those insults casually tossed out.

Why do you think Alicia Machado remembers so well, Mr. Trump?

And we certainly, as Ms. Lin did, remember when we’re called “the c-word”.

Women remember. Of course we do. After all, that’s the whole point of using those words, isn’t it? To make us remember–where we stand, who we are, who’s in charge.

We remember when our daughters come home and ask what it means because some asshole on a school bus thinks they’re being big and clever.

We remember when some junkie on the sidewalk shouts after us as we’re walking down the street.

We remember when some pathetic guy screams it in our face because we rejected his advances.

We don’t forget.

So, no, Mr. Urban, you asshole, it is not coincidental at all that Ms. Lin remembers one word that your boss screamed about her thirty years ago.

What’s even more insulting is that you think it doesn’t matter enough to remember. That like so many other ways of degrading human beings you think it’s a throw-away line.

Keep remembering.

Keep remembering all the way to November 8th. Remember when you’re pulling a lever or checking a box or folding a ballot.

Remember. we-remember

I am over casual degradation and misogyny. I am over being expected to ignore and forget and told to concentrate on more important things. If you are too, join me. Share this post as a reminder to remember on November 8th, or use the hashtag #WeWomenRemember to share your stories.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Of Course We Remember

  1. A Simple Village Undertaker October 3, 2016 / 12:32 pm

    Dina, as mentioned in an earlier comment, we are pretty opposite when it comes to political points of view. Clearly, we have two, very flawed candidates this time around. While degradation of women is never right, I do hope however, that the women whose sons, husbands,brothers and friends that died in Benghazi also remember who failed to respond/support them and then blatantly lied to those women and the Country about what happened. Trump may be a bonehead sometimes, but he never stood in front of four caskets and lied to those mothers about why they were there. And perhaps we can have a discussion about enabling a husband to be a sexual predator, does that help women? Personally, i would prefer someone calling me a name as opposed to failing to take action that led to the death or rape of a loved one of mine. Just sayin, and trying to do so respectful of your opinion.

    Like

    • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 1:01 pm

      I appreciate that, and in terms of Benghazi and Bill Clinton’s infidelities, it’s probably better if we agree to disagree–as, you have stated, we obviously have very different opinions and beliefs and even interpretations of the facts as presented regarding those things. My interpretations are pretty much the opposite and at this point, there’s no point in a back and forth that serves no real purpose as neither one of us are going to change their mind.

      But to the topic at hand, I guess part of my point about being called a name, while it may not seem like much, is that it actually IS–for the very reason that it is so casual and that it is part of a multi-layered way of degrading a rather large section of the human population. It’s purposeful and it’s intentional. I would also argue that casual misogyny does actually pave the way to rape, domestic abuse, and sexual predatory behavior–. Now, we both know that there is a large leap between calling someone a c**t and raping them—however–the acceptance of language which allows the thought process of degradation certainly does nothing to help.

      As always I appreciate the respect and the chance to exchange views.

      D

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 5:43 pm

        I think the comment, though I don’t agree with it, was respectful and in turn it deserves a respectful thought-out reply. I also am reminded by my very intelligent husband that true political change takes place in the discussion of ideas–and while I am always happy to find like minded theorists, at the end of the day, that’s going to do us no good!

        Sometimes it’s enough to agree to disagree. It has to be. I save all my four-letter rants for the comments section on Salon ;-).

        Liked by 2 people

      • aviets October 3, 2016 / 6:19 pm

        You’re right, of course. But knowing what to do and doing the right thing are two very different things!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. South of the Strait October 3, 2016 / 3:23 pm

    I always try to remember that people will forget what you teach them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. It takes a special kind of stupid to think that an offensive insult would be forgotten.

    Like

  3. skaymac October 3, 2016 / 5:05 pm

    I’ll never forget the writing on the wall, really written on the wall, that said I’m a whore. It was written outside one of my high school classrooms. I was mortified. I was embarrassed and I was hurt. That was 40+ years ago and I still cry a bit inside when I think of it. I told my sons, now 27 & 29, about the incident. I told them they will never shame a woman the way I was shamed and they have grown into men who respect women by both word and deed. Thank you for a damn good read.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 5:30 pm

      I’m sorry, that is horrendous. This is why I was so shocked at the comment–why wouldn’t you remember someone calling you something like that–especially someone famous like Donald Trump? I think it’s important to teach our sons it is not ok and equally important to teach our daughters it is not ok. Sometimes it seems pointless to fight the little things, but it’s the little things that all coalesce to make the big things.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. John October 3, 2016 / 6:11 pm

    Although they pretend otherwise, men remember when they are personally insulted too. Mr. Trump is the most obvious case in point. Sadly.

    Like

    • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 7:45 pm

      I’m glad you brought that up, John. I think you’re 100% right. And I’m going to use your comment to launch into a 2 pronged argument (aren’t you lucky!).

      1. Think about the insults that are used to degrade men the most–most are either the same used to insult women (bitch, c*cksuker) or those comparing them to women, or finally insinuating they are controlled by women–all of that only reinforces the notion that women are outside the magic box of all that is good and admirable.

      2. The reason I will argue that feminism is good for both men and women is that it allows both to come outside of that box of goodies (I have a post in my drafts folder about this somewhere, I’ll have to dig it out–double lucky you!!). Ideally, men would feel more comfortable expressing themselves when they are insulted.

      But all of that aside, of course men too bothered by degradation of their character and thanks for pointing it out.

      Like

      • John October 3, 2016 / 9:45 pm

        The cynic in me thinks a certain percentage of the male population – my non-scientific, gut-feel guess is 20%-25% – will never see the light. That’s not to say anyone should give up the fight. Quite the opposite.

        However, I would direct the message and my energies to younger people. With very few exceptions adult males will continue to believe and act as they always have, especially with things like this. Seriously, if having a daughter can’t make a man reflect on how he treats women he is beyond redemption. But the next generation will (hopefully) begin dismantling the idiotic values of older generations and make strides on the long road of progress. It has always been that way with social change.

        Like

      • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 9:54 pm

        Oh, John. I’m loving where your head’s at at the moment. Again, been thinking a lot about what you just said–and I think it’s exactly what you pointed out. Right now, we have the first wave of fathers raised by feminist mothers, who are, on the whole, far more open than their fathers were, so now you’ll have the sons and daughters of those men raising kids who will be even more accepting. (Don’t worry, I have a draft on this stuff too 😉 ). Small steps lead to big ones, right? As for the 20-25? Well, survival of the species, right? They’ll have to adapt and change…or die out.

        Like

  5. Kelly October 3, 2016 / 6:48 pm

    I actually took David Urban’s quote a different way–he is accusing Lin of making it up. Because, of course we are always imagining it when we think men are insulting us or talking down to us. We need to “calm down.” I believe the term for this is gaslighting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dina Honour October 3, 2016 / 7:37 pm

      I think he’s doing both–as well as the 3rd arm of the whole shebang, insinuating she’s only doing it for the publicity/money. You know, the same way women accuse famous men of raping them….just for the notoriety. Taken all together, it’s the classic sexist trifecta. I just posted on Facebook the other day about one candidate talking about the infidelity of another candidate’s spouse while conveniently ignoring his own by ending with the line, “meet me at the corner of Sexist and Gaslight and I’ll buy you a drink.” I think most of us are on the same page. Let’s keep turning to find a new one together.

      Like

  6. pinklightsabre October 4, 2016 / 5:54 am

    Giuliani is a claymation villain from a Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer flick, spinning and spitting and melting, Jack Frost style.

    Like

    • Dina Honour October 4, 2016 / 1:16 pm

      That is an apt and accurate description. I can’t say I ever liked him, but as a NYer after 9/11, I respected how he handled it. Since then, he just seems to become more and more unhinged…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Kelly October 7, 2016 / 2:17 am

    I agree with the first response. My mom taught me from a very young age “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”. Now, at 55 I am a retired F/F Paramedic from the City of Tampa Fire Rescue. After I retired I bought a horse farm in central Fla. This year I finished police training and work as a mounted officer. I started working in a Latino/Redneck town, if the men weren’t hitting on you they were trying to sabotage you to get you fired. I don’t think there are many gals out there that have heard that word as many times as me and many more “colorful” ones as well. I am supporting Trump. Not because he’s a good guy, a good politician, I don’t like him one bit. He’s a big mouthed bully and I have worked with thousands of them over the last 30 years. The reason, Benghazi. Absolutely negligent, dispicable behavior from a Sec. Of State. I could never imagine not sending help to dying “friend”, which is what Hillary stated Amb. Stevens was to her. Then there’s the whole email fiasco. Shame on her. She works for us, everything I did was open to public scrutiny, but she feels above the rest of the electorate, superior and entitled. Hillary is sneaky, unethical and yes, she also destroyed the women her husband had sex with. How women in power treat other women makes a larger impression on me than some jerk with no class that can get the job done.
    She is so crooked, when she dies they will have to screw her into the ground. Sorry, have to disagree that hurt feelings trump (no pun intended) common sense.

    Like

    • Dina Honour October 7, 2016 / 9:19 am

      Kelly,
      Thanks for taking the time to leave your thoughts. And first may I say how cool I think it is that you trained as a mounted police officer after retirement?

      I’m pretty sure you’re not going to change your mind, but I wanted to address a few things that stood out to me in your comment, as well as the first one.

      Benghazi. The facts of Benghazi are this: 4 people died. There have been numerous, bi-partisian investigations, millions of dollars spent. Out of those investigations, no wrong-doing not the part of Sec. Clinton was ever found. In fact, the worst admonishment out of a report was “She should have known better.” Well, hindsight is a funny thing. Most of us should have known better about most things that go awry.

      Your belief, and it is that, that she and only she is solely responsible for those deaths appears to be rock solid in pre-conception. You felt she was/is responsible, and nothing–no investigation–is ever going to change your mind on that belief. The truth is, there are deaths under most Secretaries of State, yet they have never been investigated as thoroughly. Should those folks have known better as well? Most likely. I find it disturbing that we place so much emphasis on ONLY Secretary Cinton.

      Emails: You know, I’m a Clinton supporter and the e-mail server makes me uncomfortable. I wish she had shown better judgment. But again, we are holding her, as a woman, to a standard we’ve never held any male in office to. I’m not sure what the 22 million emails deleted by the Bush Administration held either. Where was the transparency there? They ignored a subpoena to find out. Just ignored it and refused to turn over any information. Now, it’s possible there was nothing in there. It’s possible there was nothing in Sec. Clinton’s emails either. To your point about her entitlement–and this is important to me, she is no more entitled, superior, or anything that every, single, male politician, yet we hold her to different standards. Why? Why do we accept arrogance and entitlement (and Trump is the epitome of white, male entitlement) from men so readily and despise it in women?

      As for her ‘destroying the lives’ of the women her husband had sex with? They were adult consenting women responsible for their own actions. They entered into adulterous affairs with a married, public figure. If any ‘lives’ were ruined, they did that themselves. To hold Hillary Clinton responsible for treating the women her husband was unfaithful with kindness is beyond the pale. Again, instead of being angry at the one who committed adultery, we are angry at the wife who spoke badly of his mistresses–while at the same time allowing the opposite candidate to commit adultery without any consequence.

      And finally–the point of this piece was not to say that name calling is worse than X. It was to say that systematically degrading women degrades the way that we think about women, as evidenced by the vitriol that is directed at Secretary Clinton.

      So, no, I won’t change your mind, but I ask you to at least look at the things you mentioned through a different filter. One that takes her gender out of it to see if a doublet standard is applied.

      Like

Talk to me, Goose.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s