If heart disease is the silent killer, passive aggressiveness is the silent marriage killer.

It is astonishing how much rage a toothpaste tube or coffee mug on the side of the sink can induce.

There really aren’t that many hills worth dying on, choose your trenches wisely, carefully, and slowly.

No one listens as much as they actually think they do, it’s usually just waiting for an opening to get the last word in, ad infinitum.

Lingerie is made of a material which disintegrates if you leave it in a drawer long enough. Also, there are approximately four women on this Earth who actually enjoy wearing stockings.

Surprises don’t have to be big, just honest: a pastry in the middle of the day, a handwritten note, an unexpected text, a load of folded laundry.

Anyone can get married–staying married takes a lot of work, not all the time and not every day, but enough.

Saying “I appreciate what you do” is 10x better than flowers, except for rununculas, because they’re awesome.

No one is having as much sex as much as they say they are except maybe that one couple who you don’t like anyway so it’s cool.

You can solve a lot of problems on a long walk, even without talking. Alternately scary amusement park rides work wonders too.

Your spouse would probably be hard pressed to explain what you do all day long and vice-versa.

Separate vacations once a year are a beautiful thing. It turns out that absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Sometimes it is easier to just put the mug in the dishwasher yourself and let the seething resentment fly away like a pretty, pretty bird.

Asking “Are you done with this?” when the answer is clear is a legitimate grounds for divorce in most states.

It is astonishing how much the person you fell in love, the one whose eyes you gazed into with love, can fart.

It is possible to move three rooms away and still hear your partner snoring on a bad night and yes it is their fault and yes you will die mad about it.

The law of marriage math means that nineteen years can simultaneously feel like ten minutes and a century.

Your stories start to melt into each other’s until it’s nearly impossible to remember which memory belongs to which past.

Love is like a gas–it expands to fill whatever space you give it. Give it room to grow and it will.

 

Happy 19th Anniversary my darling.