Wine and Cheese (Definitions): Pandemic Edition

Extraordinary times call for extra-ordinary language…

2020, slang: Something that’s gone to shit and needs to get thrown away; to nix. As in, Girl, just 2020 his ass, he’s not worth it.

Bubble, noun: The name for that one person who seems to be loving everything about life in lockdown, who is beaming. As in, She’s a total bubble, happy on her couch eating takeout watching Netflix all day. 

Corona Time, noun: A slightly snarky way to express the passage of an ungodly amount of time. As in, Two months is like six year in Corona Time. 

Covid Restrictions, noun: The way your pre-pandemic clothes cut into your flesh because you’ve existed on booze, chocolate, and takeout for the past 10 months. As in, due to covid restrictions, I had to size up my jeans. 

FOMO, slang; acronym: Fear Of Mask Off, the moment of panic you have, right before you enter a shop, when you think you’ve left your mask at home. As in, I had total FOMO moment the other day when I went to the supermarket! 

Herd Immunity, noun: A newly developed fear of crowded places and taking pains to avoid them. As in, The idea of going to a concert completely grosses me out now. I think I’m suffering from herd immunity

Insanitize!, exclamation: Word to describe the burning sensation you get when hand sanitizer hits the raw skin on the back of your hands. As in, F*ck! Ouch! This is insanitize!

Lockdown, verb: The act of trying to get 20 people in 10 time zones to agree on a time for a Zoom pub quiz. As in, Does 8:37 to 10:01 work for everyone? Ok, let’s lock down!

Maskfrontation, noun: The standoff between the masked and the maskless in the public sphere. As in, I witnessed a gnarly maskfrontation at the pharmacy the other day. 

Maskinista, slang:  The name for an individual who matches their mask to their outfit. As in, Did you see that bedazzled mask she was wearing? She’s such a maskinista! 

Momcher/Momchering, noun/gerund: One who is simultaneously parent and teacher; the act of YouTubing how to multiply fractions while you homeschool your kids. As in, As your momcher, I can tell you that your conferences are going to be off the hook unless you get your shit together. Alternatively, No, I haven’t seen the latest episode of Bridgerton–I was busy momchering all day.

OCD, noun; acronym: Obsessive Covid Disorder, defined by obsessively reading every update regarding Covid-19. Symptoms include knowing the latest vaccination rates, what an R number actually is, and following infection rates the way some follow the Kardahsians. As in, The first thing I do in the morning is check the numbers. I definitely have OCD. 

Party platform, noun: The chosen conferencing call for happy hours, meetings, quizzes, etc. As in, Which party platform are we using Friday? 

Remote Learning, gerund: All the quirks we’ve gleaned about family and work colleagues over the past ten months. As in, Do you think Jake knows his teams background is a disco ball, because I feel like we’re remote learning so much about Jake right now. 

Ronacondriac, noun: Someone convinced they’ve contracted Covid, usually constantly sniffing random items to see if their sense of smell is still intact or checking their temperature fifty times a day. As in, She is such a ronacondriac, she walks around with a tube of toothpaste just to make sure she can still smell it

Rubber-banding, gerund: Stretching the local recommendations while still sticking to the letter of the rule. As in, We’re going to rubber band the rules and meet a few friends for a birthday drink, but outside and we’ll definitely stay six feet apart!

Slalom, verb: The act of zig-zagging on the sidewalk or in shop aisles to avoid coming within six feet of another human being. As in, I had to slalom though the dairy section today, it was packed!

Sourdough Starter, noun: The realization, upon opening your eyes, that your day will be the same as the 300 days before. Alternatively, one who wakes up and realizes the same. As in, Sorry to be such a sourdough starter, I’m just over it today. 

Spritzer, noun: The cheap hand sanitizer offered at shop entrances that smells like the kind of wine you got at student art openings. As in, Jeebus, this spritzer smells like that cheap tequila I used to drink

Staycation, noun, retro; A quaint word harking back to a different time when the idea of staying home held appeal. As in, Remember when we used to long for a staycation? Ha ha ha ha. 

The Queen’s Gambit, slang: A risky move which consists of only dressing from the waist up for Zoom meetings. As in, I’m going to play The Queen’s Gambit for my conference call today. What could go wrong?

Vanity plates, noun: The stack of household items your laptop rests on to raise its camera to avoid a double chin. As in, Do you think she had some work done or is she just using a stack of vanity plates? 

Work From Home, noun: Watching Bridgerton on your laptop with your headphones in and periodically nodding and saying, “Yes, of course. I’ll get that to you right away,” whenever your child walks by. As in, Don’t bother me right now, I’m working from home.  

Work Spouse, noun: The work version of your partner/spouse you don’t normally get to see, who says and does things that you don’t recognize, like “let’s circle back to that”. As in, I can overhear everything my work spouse says, and I’m like, who is this person I married??

Workus Interuptus, noun: The Latin name for when your kid loudly begs for a snack in the middle of a Teams meeting. As in, Mommy is on a WORK CALL RIGHT NOW!

 

Stay safe folks. We’re almost there. 

 

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Stacy says:

    These are all excellent! The vanity plates at our house are Trivial Pursuit game boxes so for a low count of two, the angle is satisfactorily and sufficiently high, absolutely necessary due to Covid restrictions. The spritzer one made me laugh out loud because my daughter and I had that exact conversation yesterday but it was cheap rum. Thanks for the much needed laugh.

    Like

    1. WandC(D) says:

      My pleasure! I’m so glad we can still find things to laugh at, right?

      Like

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