American Elegy

This is not an elegy for America, the beautiful; America land of the free. It's not an elegy for geography, latitude and longitude, tectonic 'tis of thee. The land, blooded and let, bartered for pretty trinkets, stolen for a woolen blanket and a few bottles of booze--she will remain. Purple mountains majesty, fruited plains. Red... Continue Reading →

Dear 2016, Suck It

Dear 2016, Well, here we are. December 31st. If you've got any more surprises up your sleeve--say Harrison Ford dropping dead or Simon le Bon suddenly suffocating, the sudden annexation of Poland by Russian troops-you've got less than 24 hours to do your dirty work. The (not so) funny thing is that you, 2016, you weren't... Continue Reading →

December 31, 2016 26

Faux News

If satire is the highest form of wit, well, this is my way of going high. Right now, it's all I got. Reuters: U.S. Constitution Discovered to Contain 'fine print'. Supreme Court Nominee Rudy Giuliani Tells Reporters He was Able to Uncover the Text With a Decoder Ring from his BooBerry Breakfast Cereal. People: After Months of... Continue Reading →

November 20, 2016 10

Stop Telling Women to Chill Out

Dudes. I keep reading and hearing about women whose husbands or brothers or male family members or bosses or strangers are telling them to chill out. Sometimes this is thinly veiled code for "Oh My God, I am never going to have sex again." Most of it is male cluelessness. Sometimes that cluelessness (I'm done mincing... Continue Reading →