Do Not Disturb

Do not disturb sign hang on door knob and stone wall.
Do not disturb sign hang on door knob and stone wall.

It’s an age-old question:

What do women want?

Psssst…come closer. I’ll let you in on a secret.




Women want to be left alone.

I’m serious. For the most part, we just want you to leave us alone.

We want you to stop telling us how we should or shouldn’t dress, what not to wear, how to act, what not to do, giving us arbitrary age restrictions that are pulled out of someone’s ass.

We want you to leave our bodies alone: uterus, vagina, nursing boobs and non-nursing ones, our asses, our cellulite, muscles, our hearts and brains. Bass, treble. Every inch of us from the bottom to the top. From the bottom to the top.

We want you to leave us alone to pursue whatever damn job or career we want, whether it’s as a butcher or an astrophysicist, teacher, SWAT team, or Congress.

We want you to leave us alone at work so we can just get on with our jobs without worrying about the boss guy at the water-cooler telling us we’ve got all the right junk in all the right places.

We want you to leave us alone to talk to you and with you, without interruption, without talking over us, without trying to explain our own experiences back to us.

We want you to leave us alone to decide what’s best for our bodies and our families even if you personally don’t believe in our choices. Their not yours, their belong to us, and only us.

We want you to leave us alone in our personal space, stop feeling entitled to touch us, or talk to us, to explain to us, to comment on how we look or the size of our breasts, to wonder out loud what we’d be like in bed or look like naked. Women, believe it or not, don’t exist for your personal gratification.

We want you to leave us alone when we walk down the street or into a room, sit on a bus or stand on a train. We want you to leave us alone when we are out for a jog or eating a banana split with a diet coke.

We want you to leave us alone when we repeatedly make it clear we don’t want your attention.

We want you to leave us alone with our identities. We are just fine with women. Don’t label us merely as someone’s mother or wife or daughter. Those things are not what solely define us.

We want you to leave us alone just to be human beings, flaws and all. Not something to be commanded or brutalized or even cherished and protected.

Really, we just want to be left alone to get on with it.


13 thoughts on “Do Not Disturb

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      1. To quote “History of the World Part I,” I think the answer to that question is “It’s good to be the king.” Why would powerful, privileged white males bother to change their behavior when they’ve enjoyed the benefits for so long? I’ve raised my son differently. I know you’re raising your sons differently. But there are a hell of a lot of misogynists out there raising little versions of themselves.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Most men are brought up to disregard thier own feelings and not show any regard for the feelings of others. I think it is a very tall order to connect with a man on an emotional level. I very much suggest the book, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. The book has been around for quite a while now but it should be required reading for everyone on the planet.

      It would be good if I were king.

      I wish you a lot of success with your blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. My wife doesn’t need me. I’m good with that. I don’t need her either. But… She’s my best friend, and I’m hers. We’re together, 40 years and counting, because we want to be with each other, not because we “need” each other. Sometimes we don’t take vacations together, sometimes we do. Some days I do the cooking and cleaning, other days she does. However there are differences. I really don’t care what people think, and she does. As a guy, I don’t worry much about whether something I’m doing is good enough, and yet as a woman she does. I don’t worry much about whether something new I’m going to try is going to work or not, and she does. And yet… she inspires me to care more, try more, and I in turn try to encourage her to love who she is, what she does, and what she’s earned. We don’t need each other, but it feels a lot better when we do things together. And often, in the middle of the night, one hand reaches out, and finds the other. It’s just a touch, but it’s nice when you can share a sense of closeness and comfort.


    1. Funny, you must be in my head. The other day I sent my husband off on a vacation with male friends and I realized how genuinely happy I was for him. And I thought, this is what a good relationship is, being happy when your partner is going to do something that makes them happy. In fact, I had a whole blog post planned about it but got sidetracked by the Women’s March. It sounds like you and your wife have cracked the secret–I wish you more years of such wedded mutual satisfaction!


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