Sorry I’ve Been A Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

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Dear (fill in name of friend here),

How are you? It’s been way too long, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of you and then said to myself, I should really (call/write/at least click like on your vacation photos) but I’m sure you know how it goes. No matter how organized I am, it seems like (life/the news/a hangover) is always getting in the way. It’s so true what they say. Time sure does have a habit of flying when you’re (procrastinating/bemoaning the state of humanity/binge watching Better Call Saul), doesn’t it?

Funny thing is, your name came up just the other day. Someone asked me, “Hey, how’s (fill in name of friend here)? (He’s/She’s) got to be almost (ready to move/ready to have a baby/done with school), right? And it really drove home how long it’s been since I (emailed/tweeted/tagged you in a photo)!

I’m so sorry I missed your (birthday/anniversary/relative’s funeral), I really have no excuse other than the fact that I am spending far too much time (arguing with strangers on the internet/drowning my sorrows in Pinot Noir/in the midst of an existential breakdown). Most days it seems all of my time is taken up by (numb shock/carpooling/debating the continued existence of humankind). I keep thinking things are going to settle down in the next few months, at least enough to (stop refreshing Twitter incessantly/clean my house/remember my kids birthdays), but who knows? Crazy world we live in, right??

And here we are half way through the year already! It seems like yesterday (the world was normal/school started/you moved). Time really does go by quickly. Did I say that already? Lol. Oh, God. I really have to stop using (texting/Snapchat/emoji) abbreviations before I lose all ability to (speak/reason/write) coherently!

But hey, (fill in name of friend), listen. You should know that despite how bad I’ve been at keeping in touch, I’m totally (stalking you on Instagram/following your exploits on FaceBook/relying on what my mom tells me). But it’s nice to get a (letter/email/social media comment longer than 140 characters) sometimes, isn’t it? Despite my (radio silence/passive aggressive comments/emoji reduction correspondence) I do think of you often and wonder how everyone’s doing.

So, in case you’re wondering, it’s not you! It’s (me/Brexit/Trump/Camus level existentialism). I really do feel bad about not keeping in touch, though. Honest!

Anyway, hope you’re all (well/sane/not contemplating the meaning of life from a ledge). Please keep me up to date. And let’s not let this long go by again!

All the best!

(Fill in your name here)

177 Comments Add yours

  1. It’s great…

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thank you kindly!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. D. says:

    This post is way too relatable! Is this a bad sign?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Probably. But not surprising ;-). Is it selfish of me to be glad it’s not just me? 😉

      Like

  3. plr33 says:

    Love this!! I have been SUCH a shitty friend lately…might have to look for a bulk printing deal! (With approval, of course! ) thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone, and for making me laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I have to say, I was surprised by how many people saw themselves in this! It started off as a little piece of my own guilt–but it is ALWAYS good to know you’re not alone!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. plr33 says:

        You are DEFINITELY not alone!! 😊

        Like

  4. Be A Good Mom 4 A Year says:

    Ah yes, THIS, so much THIS lately!

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I know. Myself? I’m definitely leaning toward C: Existential crisis, but it does seem like life is pretty damn overwhelming of late!

      Like

  5. Nadine says:

    Haha, how Ironic!
    I was feeling like a really sh**ty friend a moment ago and the feeling was too strong that I contacted that friend I’ve been wanting to keep in touch with for so long. Maybe I should share this post with her too!

    Thanks for saying what I’ve been feeling .

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      There seem to be many of us in the same boat–which is (funny/ironic/sad). I’m glad you reached out. I have yet to do that! So I guess I’m even sh*ttier!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nadine says:

        well, your time will come 😉 Good luck!

        Like

  6. this is just excellent! so true – ingenious post!

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thanks! I guess I should rely on my own (guilt/remorse/laziness) to write more satire 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes PLEASE!!! and THANK YOU! 🙂

        Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thanks for the link back 🙂

      Like

  7. Pingback: honeyfiddle
  8. BAAHAHHAHA you really made me laugh … and somehow managed to make me feel bad about being out of touch with friends (kind of sad how many names popped up while reading this), while simultaneously making me feel really fine about it because clearly I am not the only one..
    Touche!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I have to admit, this was written with a few of my own friends in mind–a satirical olive branch. The only thing making me feel better is knowing that apparently, I”m far from alone!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dina Honour says:

        Thanks for the link!

        Like

  9. 🌹V.O.L says:

    😂😂😂😂 genius!
    Absolutely loved this

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thank you very much!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Rosa says:

    This is great! But it kinda of mad me feel sad, because I just realized that all my friends are like this, and I’m the only one ever making an effort in the relationship.
    They never randomly call me or ask how I’m doing if I’m not thinking of them first. Sad…. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Hmmm…friendships definitely need to be a two way street—but it’s also important to realize that for long periods of time, traffic may be flowing in one direction before it switches to another. As long as somewhere down the road all your efforts are reciprocated in some way, all is good–it’s when they’re not that it comes time to reevaluate. I think these days we’re all so busy and caught up and often times we think we’re being a decent friend–even when we’re not. But the definition of decent? It’s different for all of us!

      Like

  11. Babalwa says:

    Arg 😦 I’ve become the worst friend. There’s this one friend of mine. I saw a missed call from her. I kept promising I’d call her back. It’s been 9 months… It’s been so long I don’t even know where to start so I keep putting it off. I feel so ashamed, no one deserves to have a friend like me 😒

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I do a lot of ‘grovel/self-shaming’ opening lines in a lot of emails these days. Acknowledge your mistake and get back in touch? Is the friendship worth it? If so, then swallow the discomfort and write/call/email. Or, you know, just send her this ;-).

      Like

      1. Babalwa says:

        It’s worth it hey. Hopefully the next time I comment, I’ll have a good story to tell

        Like

  12. Love it! Although it wasn’t even addressed to anyone in specific, it still felt very personal and actually struck some emotions within me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I actually did write it with one or two people in mind, but as I didn’t want to embarrass myself too badly but putting too many identifying descriptions in there!

      Like

      1. It’s awesome though, and it’s nicer this way because it gives the reader the ability to make it completely personal.

        Like

  13. TIL.Co says:

    Laughed aloud a few too many times

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Your recognition certainly makes ME feel less alone!

      Like

  14. Effin love this! If you came up with one that was all emogis and acronyms…viral! 🙂 So good!

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Lol! Kthks, bye!

      No, I’m not fluent enough in emoji/acronym speak. Maybe I should get my teenager to write one….

      Like

      1. 🙂 I’m telling you..that could be your retirement!!

        Liked by 1 person

  15. xxxuntouchablexxx says:

    Reblogged this on xxxuntouchablexxx.

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thanks for the reblog!

      Like

  16. darladishes says:

    Haha, I have many uses for this template!

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I think many of us do!

      Like

  17. Jenny says:

    Hilarious. I’m so lazy I don’t even get on Facebook. I just think my friends are off happily living their lives 😂. I’m sure they are…

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Stay off of FB. It’s the downfall of civilization, along with Twitter ;-). Oh, and Pinterest for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. barbdsykes says:

    Reblogged this on barbdsykes and commented:
    This has been me the last few month. I do apologize. I promise to do better. 🙂

    Like

  19. barbdsykes says:

    I love this. I had to repost it. So much has been going on. I agree with Dina – stay off FB (which I have been doing pretty well doing). Thanks for the honesty in this post

    Like

  20. Really funny take on something that’s all too real. Great work.

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thank you–I’m rather selfishly glad I’m not the only one who is guilty of this ;-).

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I seriously love this so much. So original and so real.

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!

      Like

  22. Rita Kay says:

    I really enjoyed this, glad I stumbled on it! Like so many others, I’m (sort of?) sorry to say I think I’d have to send quite a few of these out 😛

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      I felt really bad about that, until the folks I would have sent them to told me they’d be happy to send one right back ;-).

      Liked by 1 person

  23. This made me laugh so much

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Always a good thing!

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Anonymous says:

    Brilliant post! Relatable and hilariously witty

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Glad you enjoyed it! Thank you!

      Like

  25. Mona says:

    This is so relatable. I was mentally marking a tick over every option. I am gonna share this with a friend of mine. 😛

    Like

  26. Reblogged this on Mod Milspouse and commented:
    In light of my recent thoughts on friendships, this was too good not to share! …and it doubles as a fun game of Mad Libs!

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Imagine my pleasure in realizing there were so many others out there who are just as crap at staying in touch 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Anonymous says:

    What a great post! Haha I wish my old friends would want to reconnect with me.

    Like

    1. Dina Honour says:

      Give it a try! One thing I learned about posting this? There are a whole lot of people who are in the same boat!

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Anonymous says:

    Nice one Dina!! a practical one that i can just copy/ paste ..

    Like

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