Sorry I’ve Been A Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

Dear (fill in name of friend here),

How are you? It’s been way too long, I know. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of you and then said to myself, I should really (call/write/at least click like on your vacation photos) but I’m sure you know how it goes. No matter how organized I am, it seems like (life/the news/a hangover) is always getting in the way. It’s so true what they say. Time sure does have a habit of flying when you’re (procrastinating/bemoaning the state of humanity/binge watching Better Call Saul), doesn’t it?

Funny thing is, your name came up just the other day. Someone asked me, “Hey, how’s (fill in name of friend here)? (He’s/She’s) got to be almost (ready to move/ready to have a baby/done with school), right? And it really drove home how long it’s been since I (emailed/tweeted/tagged you in a photo)!

I’m so sorry I missed your (birthday/anniversary/relative’s funeral), I really have no excuse other than the fact that I am spending far too much time (arguing with strangers on the internet/drowning my sorrows in Pinot Noir/in the midst of an existential breakdown). Most days it seems all of my time is taken up by (numb shock/carpooling/debating the continued existence of humankind). I keep thinking things are going to settle down in the next few months, at least enough to (stop refreshing Twitter incessantly/clean my house/remember my kids birthdays), but who knows? Crazy world we live in, right??

And here we are half way through the year already! It seems like yesterday (the world was normal/school started/you moved). Time really does go by quickly. Did I say that already? Lol. Oh, God. I really have to stop using (texting/Snapchat/emoji) abbreviations before I lose all ability to (speak/reason/write) coherently!

But hey, (fill in name of friend), listen. You should know that despite how bad I’ve been at keeping in touch, I’m totally (stalking you on Instagram/following your exploits on FaceBook/relying on what my mom tells me). But it’s nice to get a (letter/email/social media comment longer than 140 characters) sometimes, isn’t it? Despite my (radio silence/passive aggressive comments/emoji reduction correspondence) I do think of you often and wonder how everyone’s doing.

So, in case you’re wondering, it’s not you! It’s (me/Brexit/Trump/Camus level existentialism). I really do feel bad about not keeping in touch, though. Honest!

Anyway, hope you’re all (well/sane/not contemplating the meaning of life from a ledge). Please keep me up to date. And let’s not let this long go by again!

All the best!

(Fill in your name here)

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177 thoughts on “Sorry I’ve Been A Shitty Friend: A Multiple Choice Form Letter

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  1. Love this!! I have been SUCH a shitty friend lately…might have to look for a bulk printing deal! (With approval, of course! ) thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone, and for making me laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha, how Ironic!
    I was feeling like a really sh**ty friend a moment ago and the feeling was too strong that I contacted that friend I’ve been wanting to keep in touch with for so long. Maybe I should share this post with her too!

    Thanks for saying what I’ve been feeling .

    Like

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  4. BAAHAHHAHA you really made me laugh … and somehow managed to make me feel bad about being out of touch with friends (kind of sad how many names popped up while reading this), while simultaneously making me feel really fine about it because clearly I am not the only one..
    Touche!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is great! But it kinda of mad me feel sad, because I just realized that all my friends are like this, and I’m the only one ever making an effort in the relationship.
    They never randomly call me or ask how I’m doing if I’m not thinking of them first. Sad…. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hmmm…friendships definitely need to be a two way street—but it’s also important to realize that for long periods of time, traffic may be flowing in one direction before it switches to another. As long as somewhere down the road all your efforts are reciprocated in some way, all is good–it’s when they’re not that it comes time to reevaluate. I think these days we’re all so busy and caught up and often times we think we’re being a decent friend–even when we’re not. But the definition of decent? It’s different for all of us!

      Like

  6. Arg 😦 I’ve become the worst friend. There’s this one friend of mine. I saw a missed call from her. I kept promising I’d call her back. It’s been 9 months… It’s been so long I don’t even know where to start so I keep putting it off. I feel so ashamed, no one deserves to have a friend like me 😒

    Like

    1. I do a lot of ‘grovel/self-shaming’ opening lines in a lot of emails these days. Acknowledge your mistake and get back in touch? Is the friendship worth it? If so, then swallow the discomfort and write/call/email. Or, you know, just send her this ;-).

      Like

  7. Hilarious. I’m so lazy I don’t even get on Facebook. I just think my friends are off happily living their lives 😂. I’m sure they are…

    Like

  8. I love this. I had to repost it. So much has been going on. I agree with Dina – stay off FB (which I have been doing pretty well doing). Thanks for the honesty in this post

    Like

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